Hey girl. I’d leave my sexually devious lifestyle for you.

Ok, I’ll admit it, I’ve read the first two Fifty Shades of Grey novels (if you can call them novels). I can’t say that I can see what all the rage is over. It’s a pretty standard romance novel – they bone a lot and the man just so happens to be into S&M. Of course the man, Christian Grey, is really, really ridiculously good looking. And he has a really large…bank account. The girl, Anastasia, is new to this lifestyle and is frightened yet excited by it. Once again, they bone a lot and fall in love. Also, I can’t forget to mention that it’s Twilght fan fiction. Really horned-up Twilight fan-fiction.

With the book’s popularity, they plan on turning it into a movie so that they can milk this thing for all it’s worth. How they plan on accomplishing this without turning it into, at the very least, soft-core porn, is beyond me. My other question is who will act in this lady porn? According to my local top 40 radio morning show, Emma Watson is being considered for the role of Anastasia. This is a slight deviation from Hermione Granger. Just slight. I, personally, am annoyed by Anastasia’s character so I could care less who plays her. We all know what the ladies are going to see anyway. And who’s going to play Christian? Once again, my trusty morning show informed me that none other than Mr. Ryan Gosling is being considered.

Sweet. Baby. Jesus.

If this is the case, then my next question is, will this come out in 3-D? Perchance will they utilize the D-Box seats? Beause I’d drop a few bills on that. Just sayin’.

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